Well. Josh and I had our first “official,” full-time foster care placement this week. This is what we had been waiting for for almost a full year, and my expectation was that we would bond immediately with this child and want them to stay in our home forever. The reality? It wasn’t a good fit.
This child, we will call him “A,” came to our home on Tuesday evening and left on Friday evening. During the span of those few days we had many sad and difficult moments (hearing a kid ask when he will be reunited with his mom when you know full well it may never happen is absolutely heartbreaking) but also some joyful ones. We took A to the pool, played card games on our living room floor, laughed over “ice breaker questions” at dinner time, and learned more than we ever wanted to learn about Transformers.
A is a sweet, smart, big-hearted kid, and it hurts me to think of him being in foster care instead of with his family. I also feel guilty because I wish Josh and I could have helped him more. For a variety of reasons, this placement ultimately did not work out, and I have to accept that. As our social worker said, “You can’t make a square peg fit into a round hole.” In the long run I truly believe that A will be better served in a different home. Still, selfishly I feel like the biggest foster mom failure. Thankfully this isn’t about me, and Josh and I plan to learn from this experience and move forward better prepared to serve our future foster children.
Living through those 3 days of full-time foster care felt harder than I ever imagined they would. But when I look back on them, I know I will think fondly of A and say a prayer for him, wherever he may be. My hope and prayer is that he will be in a safe and loving foster home, that he will eventually be reunited with his mom, and that he will always know how precious and loved he is.