Bittersweet

I feel like bittersweet is such an overused word, but I can’t think of another one to better describe how I’ve been feeling this week! On Tuesday we said goodbye to our two foster children, J and H. We had a feeling it was coming, but that moment of actually seeing them reunite with their parents was surreal. It was also really beautiful- to watch a family that had been broken apart have a chance to reunite. We hugged the kids goodbye, told them we loved them, and then drove back to a very, very quiet house.

I told Josh that it was hard adjusting to them being here, and now it’s hard adjusting to them not being here. I miss taking care of them, I miss hearing their giggles fill our home, I miss snuggling them while reading a story at bedtime. I am so glad that they are able to be back with their parents, but at the same time, I miss having them with us. Again: bittersweet. 

We built a good relationship with J and H’s parents, and they told us they want us to stay in the kids’ lives. Just yesterday their mom texted me, “Yall are part of our little family now.” She also told me the kids keep looking at the photo album that I made them… cue all the emotions!

It is amazing how my heart has had the capacity to grow with each new child we’ve brought into our home. I love them all so much and truly want the best for each of them, even if that means they don’t get to stay with me. I’m learning that if Josh and I love these children as our own, we are going to experience heartbreak. It just comes with the territory. We’re going to get attached, we’re going to cry when they leave, we’re going to think about them every day. The thing is, though, that’s what so many of these children need- someone to get emotionally invested in them, to risk getting hurt in order to show them love. It’s costly, just like any love, but that’s exactly what makes it so transformative.