Some honest thoughts on motherhood

Today I wanted to share a few things I am working on coming to terms with in regards to motherhood. More specifically, when it comes to this beautiful but chaotic season of life where Josh and I are taking care of two tiny humans.

I find when I read blog posts about motherhood, the ones that make me feel the most seen and encouraged are the ones that are honest about the sometimes not-so-glamorous realities of being a parent. There is so much joy to be found in caring for children, and I plan to write about that as well. But today, in this post, I’m going to pull back the curtain on some things that have been hard for me lately.

Here are five things I am currently coming to terms with as a mom:

-Admitting that motherhood is challenging even though it’s something I’ve wanted for a long time. In some ways I feel like I don’t have the “right” to be struggling because this is the season I’ve been praying for. Typing that out sounds silly, but it’s how I’ve been feeling! I need to give myself permission to admit that things are hard, while also keeping my eyes open to notice all the good.

-Canceling (or rescheduling) plans for my mental health. Now that I’m thinking about it, I don’t think I’ve actually done this since having CJ, but I would like the freedom to do so if needed! This one is tough for me because I really pride myself on being a committed person- if I say I’m going to do something, I want to be true to my word and do it. However, graciously canceling plans in order to give myself some necessary down time should not be a cause for shame. I want to give myself lots of grace in this area and trust that my friends and family will do the same.

-Not getting enough sleep and, therefore, not feeling my best. If an adult human is only getting sporadic two hour chunks of sleep… it is normal to feel tired and not be on your A game!!! I tend to be hard on myself when I’m not in a good mood, but honestly, sleep deprivation is noooo joke. If I’m not able to find time to rest during the day, then I need to realize that I’m going to feel pretty “off” until I am able to sleep again, and that’s ok.

-Accepting that I am not going to meet my kids’ needs perfectly all the time. It hurts my heart when both babies are crying/hungry/wanting to be held and I can only help one at a time. Even if I only had one child, I know I would not be able to meet 100% of their needs perfectly. Part of accepting this is realizing that I am not superhuman and all I can do is try my best to keep my boys fed and clean and give them as much love as possible.

-Realizing it is not selfish to practice self-care, or to spend time meeting my own basic needs. The other day I was hurriedly eating lunch when CJ started fussing in his swing. I immediately felt guilty and went to pick him up, leaving my lunch half eaten and my belly half full. Later I thought about it and realized… it’s ok to let him cry for a minute while you finish eating! He was in a safe place and just wanted to be held, which could have waited another couple of minutes. I am also finding some quick (20-30 minute) self-care routines I can implement while Josh or someone else is with the babies. A few so far: going on a walk and listening to worship music or a podcast, taking an epsom salt bath, laying down with an eye mask + ear plugs.

So there are some of my honest thoughts and struggles in this season! Turns out everyone was right when they said that motherhood is the best but hardest job, and I hope to give myself grace to navigate its difficulties as well as permission to revel in its joys. There is room for both, in every season.

“But he said to me, ‘My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.’ Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me.” -2 Corinthians 12:9

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