Cece

Meet baby Cece! She is 5 pounds, 13 ounces of pure love.

Let me back up to last Friday afternoon. I had just put the boys down for a nap when the social worker called.

She gave me a few basic details: A baby girl in the NICU with nowhere to go. Going through some drug withdrawals but otherwise healthy. Born on October 27.

Something about the birth date felt familiar to me, but I couldn’t quite put my finger on it. My mind was spinning. We had just gone through a miscarriage and I was still grieving—could I handle caring for this baby knowing that we might lose her, too? How would the boys react? Did I really want to give up sleeping through the night and would 3 car seats even fit in our car and why had I just gotten rid of all our baby bottles?!

I called Josh and after some discussion, we agreed to say yes to this foster care placement. Soon after I realized why October 27 stuck out in my mind. This baby was born on the same day I had my D&C.

Four hours later I pulled into the hospital parking garage—the very same hospital where we visited Kyeler for 3 months and where I delivered CJ. It was both a flood of memories and an unknown future spooling out ahead of me.

Baby Cece (a nickname we gave her) has been with us for a week now. I feel exhausted and overwhelmed and so, so enamored. This little girl is the sweetest soul and honestly blends into our family so well. The boys are obsessed with her and wake up in the morning asking, “Where my baby?” My mind knows this situation is most likely temporary, but my heart can’t help getting attached. 

A few days ago I went to a children’s consignment store to shop for the baby. I picked out a pile of newborn onesies and then wondered—should I buy 3 month outfits? Christmas clothes? A crib instead of a bassinet? Teeny tiny bathing suits?

I don’t know the answers to any of those questions. I just know that for now, we have been entrusted to care for this precious child, and I hope we can love her well with the time we have.