Category: motherhood
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When it happens again
I tried not to get too excited this time. When I saw those two blue lines appear again, my heart soared with hope. Followed immediately by its evil cousins—fear and anxiety. Anxiety doesn’t like you to get too hopeful about anything. “Trying not to get excited won’t make it hurt any less if you have…
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March 5, 2020
Three years ago today, I got a call at work that changed my life forever. I stepped out into the hallway, next to a big sunny window that overlooked the parking lot, and returned our social worker’s call. A baby boy in the NICU. Born at 26 weeks. Drug exposure. On a ventilator. One week…
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Quiet courage
Today I went back to the pool for the first time since our miscarriage. While I’m not a swimmer by any means, last summer I started going to a Monday morning water aerobics class at the Y. I was the youngest person there by a solid two decades, and it was great. I loved the…
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Raising boys
I remember so clearly the warm summer morning that I laid on the exam table, buzzing with excitement and anticipation as the ultrasound tech exclaimed, “It’s a boy!” A boy. My eyes stung with happy tears that day, and many that followed, as I contemplated what it would be like to raise a boy. A…
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The family I have now
Josh recently suggested that we get some family photographs taken. He learned of a coworker who has a photography business on the side, and thought it would be a nice way to capture our family in this season of life. I found every reason to say no. Winter isn’t always an ideal backdrop, not to…
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Good, better, best
I’ve been a perfectionist for as long as I can remember. In elementary school, I was disappointed in myself for spelling “encephalopathy” wrong in the spelling bee. In high school, I cried when I got a B in biology. In college, I cut down my calories if the scale rose higher than I wanted it…
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Attachment parenting & a confession
When I was pregnant with CJ, I read all about attachment parenting. Breastfeed your baby until they go to kindergarten! Wear them in a wrap on you at all times! Respond to every whimper and cry! I tried—my goodness did I try. The first major roadblock I ran into was that I could not, of…
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The Invisible Woman
She spends her days as an invisible woman. An unseen force who toasts waffles, drizzles them with maple syrup, places them on high chair trays. And then, poof—whisks away the dishes, wipes clean the sticky hands.She buckles flailing children into car seats and drives them safely to the pediatrician for their checkups. The invisible woman…
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This too shall pass
When I was going through something difficult as a child, I remember my grandma often reassuring me, “This too shall pass.” On the surface, the phrase seems almost trite, another platitude among many. But as I’ve thought more about it, I’ve realized that it actually touches upon a very deep truth that so many of…
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Cece
Meet baby Cece! She is 5 pounds, 13 ounces of pure love. Let me back up to last Friday afternoon. I had just put the boys down for a nap when the social worker called. She gave me a few basic details: A baby girl in the NICU with nowhere to go. Going through some…
A Continual Feast 