Tag: Faith
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Simple faith
“MOM!” CJ yells from the backseat of our Highlander. “Yeah, honey?” I respond. I’m bracing myself for yet another demand, the most recent of which was, “Hold my trash!” But what he says instead catches me off guard: “Mom, Jesus loves you!” I look up and see his sweet two-year-old face in the mirror, beaming. […]
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Dreft & hope
I lift the gray onesie to my nose and inhale deeply—it still smells like Dreft and hope. Holding this outfit brings those familiar feelings of unfulfilled longing rushing back to hit me square in the face. It also reminds me that the process of building a family doesn’t happen on a 10-minute timer but instead […]
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Looking up
I look up because the night sky is a plate of diamonds, spilled and sparkling. I look up because there is my husband, my neighbor, my friend, ready to tell me their thoughts. I look up because I don’t want to be so busy staring down at a rectangle that I miss the natural shapes […]
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Grieving
Writing is usually how I process life. But I haven’t had the words to process what happened in Buffalo, and now Uvalde. Instead of writing, I’ve cried. I’ve prayed. I’ve contacted my senators. I’ve held my children close and marveled at their innocence. I’ve wished, desperately, that the force of my love was enough to […]
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Robin’s egg blue
“Maybe I have been living much too fast, too restlessly, too feverishly, forgetting to pay attention to what is happening here and now, right under my nose. Just as a whole world of beauty can be discovered in one flower, so the great grace of God can be tasted in one small moment.” -Henri Nouwen […]
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Giving and Receiving
My counselor sits across from me in a green wingback chair, her eyes wide and kind behind black cat eyeglasses. Instead of meeting her gaze, I steal glances at the bowl of brittle potpourri to my left. The too-squishy couch feels lopsided beneath me, as unmanageable as my emotions. I’ve spent years trying not to […]
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On guilt & naps
A vague haze of guilt follows me around these days, not unlike the cloud of dust that perpetually surrounds Pigpen in the Peanuts comics. Let me explain. This morning the boys won’t stop crying after Josh leaves for work. I try all the usual tricks—reading their favorite books, plying them with Cheerios and apple juice, […]
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God in the sauna
“Up! Up! Up!” “Baba? Baba? Baba?” “Mama mama mama!” These sweet sounds punctuate my days, harmonizing with toy cars zooming across wooden floors and Goldfish plunking onto high chair trays. I delight in the cacophany of toddler noises that fill our home. And yet, they often drown out the still, small voice that is also […]
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A Tuesday text
I was getting the boys ready to leave for CJ’s 12 month checkup when the social worker texted me, looking for a foster care placement for a 9 year old girl. The social worker briefly described her to me in this way: “She’s polite and respectful. She has next to nothing but we are getting […]
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Easter 2021
I hope you all enjoyed Easter weekend! We had a fun one although it didn’t really feel like Easter to me?! We spent Saturday with Josh’s family for his cousin’s bridal shower and then had a birthday celebration for one of our nieces. On Easter morning we (me, Josh and the boys) went to an […]
A Continual Feast 