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The things we carry
As mothers, we carry so much. We carry diaper bags, water bottles, empty snack wrappers. We carry coffee in one hand and Kleenex in the other. We carry hope that the future will be better for our children, and fear that it might be worse. We carry memories and milestones and daily schedules. We carry…
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12 things Tuesday
Hi friends! How is everyone doing? We are having some lovely sunny weather here in North Carolina and it’s doing wonders for my mood (which has been all over the place lately). Right now the window next to me is full of blue skies and green trees shimmying in the breeze. While I don’t have…
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When grief is an ocean
To the woman sobbing on the drive home after her prenatal appointment (one where she was supposed to hear a heartbeat, but didn’t): I know how much it hurts. I know the pain feels like an ocean, vast and deep. You are swimming around, trying to get your bearings, but salt water is stinging your…
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Questions & answers
“What’s this?” CJ asks me, holding up a bronze coin with the word family and a small heart engraved upon it. I’m at the counter cutting up rotisserie chicken for dinner, and CJ has climbed onto one of the barstools to keep me company. The coin he’s holding is a memento that a nurse thoughtfully…
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On gratitude & grief
One of the many things that is so challenging about grief and loss is that they can give you tunnel vision, causing you to think everything in your life is terrible. Of course, I know this isn’t true. Just a simple look around the dinner table at night reminds me how lucky I am. But,…
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Beating hearts
When Kyeler was discharged from the NICU, we received a long list of specialist appointments to make for him. One was a cardiology follow up at 3 years old. Kyeler was born with a patent foramen ovale, or PFO, which is really just a fancy way of saying “hole in the heart.” It sounds scary,…
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When it happens again
I tried not to get too excited this time. When I saw those two blue lines appear again, my heart soared with hope. Followed immediately by its evil cousins—fear and anxiety. Anxiety doesn’t like you to get too hopeful about anything. “Trying not to get excited won’t make it hurt any less if you have…
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12 things Tuesday
1. We did a belated birthday celebration for Kyeler over the weekend and I made this construction site cake! It was my first time making a birthday cake for one of my kids (normally Publix does the honors) and I really enjoyed the process. 2. Outer Banks is back woohoooo! Josh and I are on…
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March 5, 2020
Three years ago today, I got a call at work that changed my life forever. I stepped out into the hallway, next to a big sunny window that overlooked the parking lot, and returned our social worker’s call. A baby boy in the NICU. Born at 26 weeks. Drug exposure. On a ventilator. One week…
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Bouncy balls & rejection letters
“Mom, watch this!” CJ calls as I’m walking towards the dryer. It’s the battle cry of children everywhere. I turn and he dramatically tosses his small pink bouncy ball in the air, where it then hits the floor and pings against a wall. “Wow!” I exclaim. “That was a high bounce!” He smiles, satisfied with…
A Continual Feast
"…for the happy heart, life is a continual feast." -Proverbs 15:15
A Continual Feast 